Number 31 update

Claire had said for years that she'd like to do the backing-singer role for some sort of performance, and that she had friends who were also keen. So I needed something that expressed my feelings about being fifty in a style that lent itself to a backing group. I spent a few hours putting together a fifties-style verse/chorus parts, and we met up for the first of two practices. Jen and Sharon threw themselves in, and the only thing holding us back was a total lack of short-term memory. Half an hour before the party, I finished the intro and we had a last run-through - for the first time we managed to remember the whole thing.

With the party in full swing I rearranged the stage and carried down the keyboard, and got the nervous backing singers on standby. I got on the stage (not easy in a pencil skirt), eventually got everyone pointing the right way, thanked them for coming, almost fell off the tiny stage twice, and announced the song. The rest is a blur. The camera captured from after the intro, when the Half-Century-ettes made their entrance ...

INTRO

Being fifty is quit an adventure

Each day brings a new ache or pain

Every morning a slightly bigger bald patch

A little more fog around my brain

My elderly parents are going batty

My teenage son's gone twatty

All my time is taken up with responsibility

And my sodding eyesight's failed

My childhood heroes have all been jailed

Sometimes it feels like all I have left is my dignity ...