Wednesday 14 May 2014

Number 17 update

The message had to allow for a) someone who is not Kate Bush finding it, and b) someone who is Kate Bush* finding it. Kate no doubt still has massive royalties from Wuthering Heights flooding in, and anyhow is  clearly interested in higher things than money, but I thought 'a' would need an incentive to reply.
So if anyone manages to find the bottle, get the cork out (not easy – pushed right in and sealed with puncture-repair glue), extract the message (would need tweezers), be arsed to reply AND type the blog address correctly, plus figure out how to leave a message, then they'll fully deserve their £10 and an album by Sefton (see challenge 16). If Kate finds the bottle, I'll still send her Sefton's album, and it'll give them an interesting anecdote to tell when they receive their Grammy for their album of duets.
The launch site was our closest point to the Thames, Swinford bridge**.
So we parked illegally, and in a short ceremony witnessed only by the toll-booth man, a long queue of drivers, my wife and two minuscule Chinese girls, I kissed the bottle and launched it. 
As it left my hand I realized that I should have checked for boats; I'd had to change the bottle to a very chunky one to fit the message in, and didn't want to spoil anyone's Hoseasons boating holiday by killing them. Also, it would have brought up too many issues around the prize: Would they deserve a prize if, technically, they hadn't 'found' the bottle, but merely been struck and killed by it? Should I give them the prize even though they hadn't said the code word? What would they do with cash and an album now in any case? If there was a thud and a scream, I decided to 1) run away and 2) relaunch with a new message***. But there was a splash, and the bottle bobbed up to the surface. The camera battery gave up before I could photograph the bottle starting its journey. Seeing as it had lasted for about two million photos, if I believed in omens**** I would have thought this was a bad one. In fact, even though I don't believe in omens*****, this was definitely a bad one. I just hope it doesn't mean that Kate Bush's young son, Wonderful Bertie, wades into the river to reach the bottle and gets into difficulties******. If Bertie drowns, I can't honestly see that Grammy happening.

*Kate Bush
**at 5p per crossing, the cheapest toll bridge in Britain; slogan: 'Same low low prices since 1782'
*** The nightmare scenario is, of course, the bottle lands on Kate, and Sefton finds it. 
****I don't
*****I don't
******actually more Kate's fault than mine. He's just a little boy, Kate - what were you thinking?!


13 comments:

Molly Potter said...

That bridge has had 15p off me over the years.

Molly Potter said...

Interesting that the someone who is Kate Bush turned out to be Kate Bush in your footnote. Something to ponder.

Molly Potter said...

Is the toll both man paid well and/or is he magical?

Molly Potter said...

There is more ethics relating to the launching and finding of a bottle with a message in it than I knew. Did your message have small-print?

Molly Potter said...

No negative news about Bertie in the press. I suspect the bottle is well past the Thames flood barriers by now.

Molly Potter said...

I have proven that I am not a robot 5 times now. I am about to do it for the 6th time. Thing is - I am not sure that I'm not.

jim_greenan said...

They still talk about you, Molly - 'The woman who never came back'

jim_greenan said...

I put it down to coincidence.

jim_greenan said...

1. No 2. Yes. He is the troll booth man.

jim_greenan said...

Fairly small when I was running out of space at the end.

jim_greenan said...

Not sure about that - it didn't bob off very fast.

jim_greenan said...

Do you walk with jerky movements, speak in a monotone nasal voice, and suddenly turn your whole body 90 degrees when you go round corners? That's how you tell.

Molly Potter said...

Jimmy, You know I do,