I wake up extremely tired and hungover at 8 o'clock to the
great news it's my big lie-in. It couldn't have come on a better day. I go
straight back to sleep and dream about a ridiculously flamboyant chef on an
Inca boat, who is in trouble with the modern day police for some reason. As he
is eventually led away, I am woken by some polite and high-pitched throat
clearing. It's an extremely smiley, miniature waitress, waiting to take my
breakfast order. I order a cooked breakfast with coffee and close my eyes
again. More throat clearing. 'Any ketchup or brown sauce?' 'Brown sauce,
please'. Five minutes later, I'm woken again. 'We haven't got any brown sauce.'
'OK' I doze again. Some time later ... 'Ahem ... would you like any sauce?' I'm
awake now anyway, so I leaf through 'The Visual History of the World' for the
first time since I bought it at a car boot sale eight years ago. I'm examining
the photo of Mussolini strung up by the feet when the waitress comes in with my
tray. It's a large breakfast with coffee and juice following on the next delivery – not a bad feat for someone
who's microscopic.
I almost never have a cooked breakfast these days, but today
the idea of eating three pounds of fried meat before leaving my bed seems an
excellent one. It turns out to be a lot better than a poke in the eye, too – can't be faulted on any technical points
such as touching beans and egg. When the waitress pops in to ask if
everything's OK, I tell her it's 'flippin' delicious'. She goes away, but returns
a few minutes later and hands me a note.
She takes away the breakfast stuff as
I turn to a photo of the Battle of Badajoz for my last ten minutes of
relaxation. On the dot of eleven, I get
the bill.
Blimey. She's back again. She seems to think it's funny.
3 comments:
Blimey - I mean Bloomin' - I mean B....not sure what's allowed. I have developed a speech impediment. Anyway - remind me to keep it clean around Lols in future and not to order anything. xx
P.S LOVE that last photo - says it all!
P.P.S Do you have a debt repayment plan?
Fifry flippin pounds a flippin month.
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