Thursday 5 June 2014

Number 20 update




Derek stops off at a café in Wolverhampton on the way up to Lancashire, and selects a beef and onion pie. 'Shall I tip the gravy all over your food or not?' 'Yes please' says Derek, who likes to live a little.

After a gruelling journey, he poses proudly in his first youth hostel porch ...
'What a splendid organisation!' says Derek, who is of limited means himself. 
'My goodness, this sea air has made me hungry!' announces Derek. A chicken jalfrezi outside Ye Old Fighting Cocks is just the job.
But then Derek trips and 'falls' into a glass of snakebite. Oh dear - we had been warned about this.
'Don't go out on the sand, Derek!' we shout, 'It's very dangerous!' 'Don't give a ****,' says Derek. 'Try stopping me.'
Unfortunately, Derek seems a little belligerent after his accident. 'Which of you ***** wants to fight me?'
We calm him down and persuade him to climb the Knott. 'Jesus, my ******* chest is ******* heaving. Has NO ****** got a fag?' 
And there's still time before bed to borrow a fellow hosteller's car. 'Cheers, Kelvin, that was ******* ace - did a ton round ******* Windermere'.
The next morning Derek is a little bleary-eyed.  We take him down to The Posh Sardine in Arnside for a strong cup of coffee. 'It's a little bit drizzly today, isn't it,' he points out.   
 
But he's a game little fellow, and tackles the rugged walk to Silverdale. 'Oh, aren't the plants high!' he exclaims.
'Oh dear - I'm rather scared of heights!'
'What perfectly lovely views!' gasps Derek in awe.
Made it at last. 'Let's have a nice cup of tea,' suggests Derek sensibly.
In a jaunty mood on the train, Derek wears his cap 'Robin Hood style'.
Next day it's off to Morecambe. 'Oh my, what a beautiful sandy beach!' enthuses Derek.
He enjoys strolling along the front, and browsing the second-hand bookshop. 'Some jolly exciting books in here,' he comments.
 Then Derek disappears for an hour. Where can he be? 
Oh there he is, in a shop. He's playing the giddy goat. 'I wondered when you'd raise your ugly ******* head,' he says.
'Can't get any ******* sense out of these ******** - they appear to be ******* idiots,' appraises Derek.
Next morning, he has to say goodbye to his little holiday friend. 
'What a perfectly wonderful mini-break I've had!' ejaculates Derek.







8 comments:

Molly Potter said...

Posted at 04.55. Has Derek been keeping you up?

Molly Potter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molly Potter said...

I am assuming this is a language exercise and I am to put appropriate adjectives in the gap.
Can't get any real sense out of these sweets - they appear to be right idiots,' appraises Derek. Please mark.

Molly Potter said...

Only because it told me it couldn't be published so I did it again.

jim_greenan said...

As you know, his snakebites are a worry.

Claire Potter said...

Derek! Chips twice in one day?! That's not very Youth Hostel. Hope you had fruit on your muesli in the morning.

jim_greenan said...

Excellent work - 3/3

Blighty said...

That Derek is a very naughty little chap.