Friday, 7 February 2014

Number 2 update

Very kindly, Claire asked me last night if I'd like a bath, at the right temperature this time. It sounded perfect, and ten minutes later I was lowering myself in. It didn't live up to what I was imagining - I felt hot and restless. The shower attachment then focused my attention. It had clearly exploded during the running of the bath, blowing out a large chunk of rubber. I think that the kind person who ran the bath - let's call her 'Clara'* - may have forgotten my series of powerpoint talks on Water Pressure and its Effects on Shower Attachments, and run the cold tap on its own**.
This would mean a) having to buy a new shower attachment (Argos £17.99 - explosions not covered by the guarantee) and fit it next day, and b) making do with a Charlie Potter stand-up jungle wash instead of a shower after my run next morning***. Even more restless now, I got out after five minutes.
This morning, Layla**** told me that she was on the loo just feet away when the explosion happened. It followed hissing that got louder and louder, and she thought the world was going to end.
So that's me finished with baths. They aren't pleasant - they're uncomfortable, sometimes painful - even potentially fatal - and expensive. If you ever see me getting into a bath, shoot me*****.

                                                    blast damage

*Not her real name
**Damn - I hope that wasn't too close to her real name
***Oh no, I've accidentally mentioned her real surname now
****Not her real name
*****Hang on a minute ... what are you doing in my bathroom with a loaded gun?


Molly Potter said...

*****************Marla Potwick****************** here. Research by the CFWTIWU* has shown that Charlie Potter************'s all over body wash is the way forwadrd ****.

*********************************** Definitely a better name than she was given
* Have no chance of what these letters mean but they ran through my mind quickly and made sense at the time.
************'It is not actually known if this was his real name.
**** while it is generally understood this is a direction, nobody has actually conceptualised it meaningfully.

jim_greenan said...

I've always been an admirer of the Charlie Potter all over body wash, and it's about time it was made into a product. Harvey's Bristol Cream flavour.